For me, being in a rut is draining. It seems like the endless of nothingness just starts to chip away from my whole being, and slowly bit by bit I stop doing the things I enjoy and the nothingness keeps on growing.
I have now been in a rut for a very long time, I can't pinpoint what made me get stuck this time or even if there was something that made me put the brakes on. But bit by bit I stopped doing the things I love. I stopped blogging, I stopped reading, I pretty much stopped everything. I can't even remember the last time I baked! I stopped being as happy as I could be and became consumed with nothingness.
I know that this time it wasn't failure that brought me to this place, but it might have been more the fear of failure. The fear of failure is something that hinders my life the most. I have an amazing support net of family and friends that would never hold my failure against me but there is still that nagging voice in my head that keeps on telling me that I will fail.
I needed a good kick in the but to get back on the horse. I started by cleaning the apartment, something that I feel to be a necessary step in getting everything in motion again. Vacuuming the horrible feeling of nothingness away. Organizing both the clutter of the apartment and the clutter of my mind.
This year I want to focus on being a better person to others, but mostly to myself. The things I tell myself daily I wouldn't say to my worst enemy (if I had one). It isn't even something I would think about another human being (and definitely not an animal) but to myself it seems that there are no boundary of mean things I can say.
P.S. I finish choosing the winners and pack all the giveaways prizes tomorrow!